The beginning of a new year often comes with excitement, hope, and—let’s face it—a little pressure. It’s a well-known joke that many of us fail to stick with the goals we set for ourselves around the new year, so we checked in with therapist Melissa Schletzbaum from Tandem Counseling to talk achievable goals, yearly planning, and avoiding self-criticism.
Rethink the Timing
“We put lots of pressure on ourselves around the holidays, specifically New Years,” says Schletzbaum. “It’s the unwritten expectation and belief that you need to have resolutions. People talk about it so much that we add more pressure to ourselves to make it happen.” But for Schletzbaum, goal-setting and resolutions are something we can do any time. By foregoing the annual tradition and instead checking in with yourself consistently throughout the year, you’ll set yourself up for more achievable success.
“When I was growing up, I felt like I had to make resolutions because everyone else was,” she says. “I no longer put that pressure on myself. I do it throughout the year to hold myself accountable and see what’s changing in my life. Even in a couple months, life can change drastically and so can your goals.”
Reflect on Your Values
Let’s talk priorities–what’s most important to you? “It’s a great time to go back and reflect on your values,” says Schletzbaum. Consider some common resolutions—health and self-improvement. “What about health is important or meaningful for you? Try to get specific with your values, like friends, family, or work,” she encourages. “Allow time and space to build confidence and trust in yourself, then come back and reflect. It’s not about what other people expect—think about what you want.” In her own life, Schletzbaum tries to zero in on a top five or ten values, and then reflect on why they’ve become important.
“One year, we might focus more on our family, friends, or relationships. Next, we might focus on physical health, mental health, or our careers. Our values are there to help guide us in that process, so we can feel more true and aligned with who we are.”
Slow and Steady
Aim high, but be realistic—and specific. “If we have too general of a goal or idea, it can be easy to get lost in what that looks like,” says Schletzbaum. Starting with small, actionable steps is a great way to increase your motivation and combat vague, unachieavable resolutions. Expectations that feel too high can make us vulnerable, in a sense. “Disappointment can cause pain and resentment, leading us to become more self-critical. What can you do realistically right now to allow your values to become more prominent, active, and strong in your life?” A clear vision makes concrete change easier.
Be Kind
It’s important to be kind to ourselves when setting goals and challenging ourselves—but that can be a resolution all on its own. Holiday stresses and pressures sometimes don’t set up conducive atmospheres for self-care or positive self-talk if we’re all striving for perfection. “It starts with recognizing when you’re being overly critical or judgmental of yourself, using that harsh inner-critic tone,” Schletzbaum says. She emphasizes that small progress is still progress, and that’s okay.
“Give yourself grace and kindness for trying something new and a little bit challenging. It’s okay to get frustrated, but we need to be gentle and kind to ourselves,” she says. “We’re all humans. It’s fine. Change is hard for any of us. Don’t try to do more than you can actually take on. Allow small changes to settle in, and feel confident in that change and your ability to make that change. And then, what’s the next step?”